I was watching Survivor the other night (shut up, I like it—and I’m a couple episodes behind, no spoilers!). One of the contestants, indignant that someone dared complain that he had flipped on their alliance, stood up, puffed out his chest, and shouted at him:

“You better RELAX, bro!”

It was uttered in such a ridiculous manner, with such exquisite bro-ness, that I could not help but riff on the line:

“If you want to get ready for beach season, you better WAX, bro!”

“If you need to send back that contract, do it by FAX, bro!”

“If it weren’t for the IRS, we wouldn’t have to pay TAX, bro!”

“If you want to get the most antioxidants from your protein smoothie, you gotta add FLAX, bro!”

“If you like video games, you should go to PAX, bro!”

“This weekend, we should go see MAD MAX, bro!”

And, my favorite, the pièce de résistance:

“If you want someone to appreciate your clever metaphors, don’t tell em to DRAX, bro!”