Me: So, I noticed that compared to the iPhone you guys are kind of screwing me on my cell phone’s data package. You guys are charging me like $45 more per month for essentially the same services.

CS: Ha ha! We own you for another year, motherfucker!

Me: Um, okay. Is there any way to cancel early?

CS: Cancel? Sure, but there’s an early termination fee.

Me: How much?

CS: One soul per line.

Me: I see. So basically, even though a new competitor has emerged into the marketplace with a superior product with more affordable service plans, you guys aren’t going to do anything to try and compete. You’re just going to continue screwing me for another year, even though you’re going to have no hope in hell of retaining me as a customer.

CS: Yep! Anything else I can help you with today?